Educate yourself on facilitators that "piggyback" (facilitators that network and don't necessarily screen or have their own expectant mothers). They are the ones that you will see advertising or "dangling" leads on the Internet. Beware of anyone "dangling" leads in front of you or an adoption professional referring to the baby as "your baby". Sometimes attorneys and agencies will do this as well. Although these situations will tug at your heartstrings it is best to find another avenue. If you get a promise of a quick adoption, beware there is no quick trip to the "Baby Store".
Make sure that the adoption professional you are working with does thorough expectant mother screenings. All expectant mothers should be offered and receive appropriate counseling. Don't be afraid to ask questions and request proof of pregnancy. A few "red flags" to watch for would be professionals who avoid answering any of your questions, someone that refuses to contact your attorney, or someone that doesn't return your phone calls promptly. Beware if there seems to always be a reason for not sending you specific information or they are surprised that you have not received the information.
If adoptive parents are presented with an expectant mother and an adoption professional is requiring money up front, pushing for an answer in a short time period, or threatening that you will lose the match, slow down and think with your head and not your heart. Why would the adoption professional be so pushy when there are many prospective adoptive parents seeking to adopt?
Adoptive parents and expectant moms should contact their local or state RESOLVE Chapters for referrals on adoption professionals. Once prospective adoptive parents and even expectant mothers have narrowed the field down to a few adoption professionals they need to investigate thoroughly, even upon doing this there may be no guarantees.
Check for complaints with the State Attorneys General's office, the state licensing agency, local police departments, Internet sites and the Better Business Bureau (I don't put a lot of stock into the BBB. Beware if the BBB has an automated system all the scam artist has to do is to change their phone number to get the system to eliminate negative reports) Ask lots of questions!
Do a background check on the business and avoid businesses that have flashy marketing materials or advertise in the yellow pages. Even a well-created Internet site can be misleading. A reputable adoption professional does NOT need to seek out clients.
Check out your state laws regarding adoption and the laws of the state you are adopting from. The laws in each state vary and it is often difficult to find your way through the maze. Some states do not allow facilitation services. Some states do not allow private adoptions. And some states put the baby into foster care for a time.
Educate yourself. Read books, watch videos, attend seminars and support groups. Join various Internet egroups or check message boards on the Internet for any positive or negative reports. Network with other adoptive parents, expectant parents or birth parents. Keep reading! Educate yourself in the laws.....educate...educate..educate!
Expectant moms have the right to change their minds and not proceed with an adoption plan. Ethical adoptive parents only want what is best for the expectant mom as well as the child. Open adoptions, counseling by an independant party can thoroughly explore an adoption plan. No expectant mom should be coerced, bribed or or made promises of monetary means.
Validate all information. Documents and pictures all can be forged!
Obtained from Adoption Scam/Cruelest Con
Showing posts with label Georgia adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Georgia adoption. Show all posts
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Positive Parenting: 5 surefire ways to improve your parenting style
Whether you are adopting, have adopted, or have children any other way, it's important to create a positive atmosphere for them to grow and mature into successful adults.
This one is somewhat lengthy, so grab some coffee and enjoy! I promise it is well worth the time.
What are some of the best things about being a parent? If you are like me, you can fill up an hour talking about all the good things of being a parent. When parenting becomes most difficult, it is helpful to refer back to our list to remind us of how great it is or can be. Take a few minutes now and create a list of all of the great things that come to your mind about parenting your child or children. You can even do a separate list for each child and another list that encompasses all of your children.
There are many external factors that parents must deal with today. Parents must contend with their child’s peers and the pressures that can bring. The media exposure through television and music can also fight against the positive message parents are trying to bring to their children. A parent’s work schedule may make it difficult to spend quality time together. There are always factors that we must overcome if we are to parent our children in a positive and uplifting manner.
Here are 5 ways to improve your parenting style and bring back closeness with you and your child.
Some of these tips are not for the faint at heart—parenting requires hard work and dedication to the task at hand. I can assure you that these tips are tried and true in my home.
1—Routines: When children know what to expect, they are able to practice making good decisions based on the repetitiveness of a routine. Families should have several sets of routines, done throughout the day. Morning routines get us up on time and out the door, after school routines ensure all homework is done and the most important routine is the one that is done before going to bed. Here is an idea of what to include in your routines, and we’ll start with the most important one:
Before Bed routine, which actually starts right after the evening meal, will include getting ready for the next day. It will consist of getting a bath, brushing your teeth, and laying out clothes for the next day. This helps adults as well as children. If you find that what you want to wear has a button missing or a stain, you can easily make the decision of repairing or washing your item or picking something else. (Have you ever tried to figure out what to wear when you got up late and have to be out the door in five minutes and your favorite blouse has a stain on it?) Also, before bed, ensure that anything that needs to get out the door with you in the morning is packed and ready to go, including lunch or lunch money, the backpack with homework and permissions slips. If you eat breakfast at home, this is a great time to set the table and sit out the cereal box.
Morning routine—when morning comes around there is no thinking needed—the clothes are ready and laid out, the bag is packed, and you can move right into the basics of the breakfast, getting dressed, brushing teeth and getting out the door in time without a frantic rush or panic of forgetting something important.
After school or Afternoon Routine—this can be for your children or for you if you stay home
with younger children. For school aged children, when they come in from school, this is the time for snacks, chores, and starting homework. This is especially important if you aren’t home, they know exactly what needs to be done and they can get started on it so that it is done and after the evening meal, you can go right into the next set of routines. If you are a stay at home mom, the afternoon is the time when you will want to make sure you have a plan for dinner, if you haven’t exercised yet, do you have a plan to, have you had something for lunch?
The importance of the routines is to look at what you and your family does each day to get out the door on time and get to bed at a decent hour. It helps to write everything down until it becomes…well…routine for you. It is different for every family, but here is an example of our routines. (My husband and I are raising 5 children together, ages 8, 9, 11, 14 and 16. These following routines primarily apply to the youngest three)
Before bed—clothes are selected based on the weather; each child takes a shower and brushes their teeth. Each child is encouraged to read for 20 minutes, usually with Mom or Dad. Bed time is 8:30.
Morning—each child gets up at 7:30 and gets dressed, has breakfast of cereal and fruit and brushes their hair and teeth. Our youngest must take medication and put in her contacts. Any additional time is used to read, start on the afternoon chores, or pick up their room. We are out the door at 8:20 for the bus.
After school—each child has a snack, does afternoon chores, and completes their homework. Any time after that and before dinner, can be used to play outside or if they have earned it, they can have 30 minutes to play games on the computer.
(You may notice there is no television time mentioned. I will cover this more in tip #5.)
2—Spend time with your child day doing something meaningful; children spell love as TIME. Depending on your child’s age, pick an appropriate activity such as reading a book, playing outside, or helping with homework. I don’t consider or recommend watching television as a meaningful activity, as there is no interaction with your child. (More on this in tip #5)
Spending time with your child isn’t really optional if you want to be a positive parent. If all you ever say to them is “hurry up”, “don’t do that”, “stop”, “why didn’t you…..”, you will quickly become a nag and they will tune you out, as well as everything you say to them, good or bad. Take the time to do something with them, and if you have more than one, you may have to schedule fun time with each of them. It’s easy to get caught up in the business of getting it all done, but I promise, you will not send them off to college wishing you had washed more dishes.
3—Eat a meal together at least five nights a week. It’s amazing how much you can learn from your child over a meal. Children want to tell you about their day. They want to know someone is interested in them. Start this as early as possible, even if your child is still in a high chair. Pull it up to the table and make it a family event.
I have a 14 year old and I’ve been doing this since she was 2 years old. And as I had more children, we continued the tradition of asking each other two questions each night. We call it “Best Thing Worst Thing”. We each share the best thing and worst thing that happened to us during the day. The best thing is an opportunity for everyone to share some of their achievements of the day and gives the parents an opportunity to praise their child for making good decisions. The worst thing allows the child to share any struggles or issues and helps them to learn that Mom and Dad and home are safe places to talk about their issues or concerns. This also allows the child a chance to process what happened and what they might be able to have done differently to achieve an alternative and more positive outcome.
4—Know your child’s friends—this becomes more and more important as they get older. How do you do this? Let your house be the one that the kids want to come to. Have snacks available to them, food will almost always attract the kids, especially the teenagers. Give them a place to just hang out, watch television, get on My Space, or listen to music. Make it as supervised as possible, without being obvious. Our teenagers do not go to someone else’s home unless I know and have talked with the parents, to ensure that an adult will be home.
By letting my children’s friends come to our house, it gives me a chance to see how these young people conduct themselves and I can decide if I want their influence on my child. My children know our values and if they bring someone home that doesn’t share a closeness to our values, I discourage the friendship. Youth who come to our house and help themselves to my refrigerator or pantry without permission are not usually invited back. I also use this as a teaching opportunity for my children, appropriate behavior when you are a guest in someone’s home.
5—Turn off the television and keep it off. Did I hear a gasp yet? When I say turn off the television, I mean turn it off for five days out of the week. There are several reasons that I suggest this…By the time the kids get home from school, and complete their afternoon routines of homework, snack, and chores, it is usually getting close to dinner time. Between a day at school and their afternoon responsibilities, they need some fresh air, some exercise, and just some down time in general. How relaxing is it to sit and color, or talk on the phone with their friends, or even better, let them help prepare dinner with you, which is a perfect example of tip #2. After the evening meal, you are starting your before bed routine, and getting ready for the next day, then it’s bed time.
Another reason to turn off the television is the shows that are on today. It’s not Mayberry or Pollyanna that our kids are being exposed to. If you have watched any of the shows on Disney lately, you will see that the kids are in control, parents are either absent or absolutely clueless about what their children are doing. There is usually some form of deception involved, a lie is told and the kids spend 30 minutes trying to cover it up, instead of just being honest up front. Is this the message you want to send to your child?
Reality shows, such as “Sweet 16” portray teenagers celebrating this monumental milestone, thinking she deserves a $50,000 car in the color of her choice. And the parents oblige her! Do you plan to drop that much money on any of your children’s birthdays? It’s very difficult to have your children buy into your values, morals, and beliefs and also let them be exposed to beliefs that differ so greatly.
In our home, the television can be turned on to pre-approved shows on Friday nights and Saturdays only. By Sunday afternoon, we are in the mode of getting ready for the week, so we keep it off unless there is something in particular that would be a treat for all of us to enjoy together. My 9 year old is in a class with 23 other students and he is one of 2 children that doesn’t watch television on school nights.
Many times parents want to blame our schools, churches, and neighborhoods for the way our children are being raised. It’s time that we as parents fully accept our responsibility for the fate of our children.
I made the choice to have my children and I believe that it is 100% my responsibility to train them in the way they should go. You would not take a young plant, one that doesn’t yet have strong and firm roots and leave that plant in the dead of winter without protection. Children are not “little adults”, their minds are not developed and we have to protect them, make decisions for them, and all along the way teach them the way they should go, so that when the time is right, adulthood happily awaits them.
This one is somewhat lengthy, so grab some coffee and enjoy! I promise it is well worth the time.
What are some of the best things about being a parent? If you are like me, you can fill up an hour talking about all the good things of being a parent. When parenting becomes most difficult, it is helpful to refer back to our list to remind us of how great it is or can be. Take a few minutes now and create a list of all of the great things that come to your mind about parenting your child or children. You can even do a separate list for each child and another list that encompasses all of your children.
There are many external factors that parents must deal with today. Parents must contend with their child’s peers and the pressures that can bring. The media exposure through television and music can also fight against the positive message parents are trying to bring to their children. A parent’s work schedule may make it difficult to spend quality time together. There are always factors that we must overcome if we are to parent our children in a positive and uplifting manner.
Here are 5 ways to improve your parenting style and bring back closeness with you and your child.
Some of these tips are not for the faint at heart—parenting requires hard work and dedication to the task at hand. I can assure you that these tips are tried and true in my home.
1—Routines: When children know what to expect, they are able to practice making good decisions based on the repetitiveness of a routine. Families should have several sets of routines, done throughout the day. Morning routines get us up on time and out the door, after school routines ensure all homework is done and the most important routine is the one that is done before going to bed. Here is an idea of what to include in your routines, and we’ll start with the most important one:
Before Bed routine, which actually starts right after the evening meal, will include getting ready for the next day. It will consist of getting a bath, brushing your teeth, and laying out clothes for the next day. This helps adults as well as children. If you find that what you want to wear has a button missing or a stain, you can easily make the decision of repairing or washing your item or picking something else. (Have you ever tried to figure out what to wear when you got up late and have to be out the door in five minutes and your favorite blouse has a stain on it?) Also, before bed, ensure that anything that needs to get out the door with you in the morning is packed and ready to go, including lunch or lunch money, the backpack with homework and permissions slips. If you eat breakfast at home, this is a great time to set the table and sit out the cereal box.
Morning routine—when morning comes around there is no thinking needed—the clothes are ready and laid out, the bag is packed, and you can move right into the basics of the breakfast, getting dressed, brushing teeth and getting out the door in time without a frantic rush or panic of forgetting something important.
After school or Afternoon Routine—this can be for your children or for you if you stay home
with younger children. For school aged children, when they come in from school, this is the time for snacks, chores, and starting homework. This is especially important if you aren’t home, they know exactly what needs to be done and they can get started on it so that it is done and after the evening meal, you can go right into the next set of routines. If you are a stay at home mom, the afternoon is the time when you will want to make sure you have a plan for dinner, if you haven’t exercised yet, do you have a plan to, have you had something for lunch?
The importance of the routines is to look at what you and your family does each day to get out the door on time and get to bed at a decent hour. It helps to write everything down until it becomes…well…routine for you. It is different for every family, but here is an example of our routines. (My husband and I are raising 5 children together, ages 8, 9, 11, 14 and 16. These following routines primarily apply to the youngest three)
Before bed—clothes are selected based on the weather; each child takes a shower and brushes their teeth. Each child is encouraged to read for 20 minutes, usually with Mom or Dad. Bed time is 8:30.
Morning—each child gets up at 7:30 and gets dressed, has breakfast of cereal and fruit and brushes their hair and teeth. Our youngest must take medication and put in her contacts. Any additional time is used to read, start on the afternoon chores, or pick up their room. We are out the door at 8:20 for the bus.
After school—each child has a snack, does afternoon chores, and completes their homework. Any time after that and before dinner, can be used to play outside or if they have earned it, they can have 30 minutes to play games on the computer.
(You may notice there is no television time mentioned. I will cover this more in tip #5.)
2—Spend time with your child day doing something meaningful; children spell love as TIME. Depending on your child’s age, pick an appropriate activity such as reading a book, playing outside, or helping with homework. I don’t consider or recommend watching television as a meaningful activity, as there is no interaction with your child. (More on this in tip #5)
Spending time with your child isn’t really optional if you want to be a positive parent. If all you ever say to them is “hurry up”, “don’t do that”, “stop”, “why didn’t you…..”, you will quickly become a nag and they will tune you out, as well as everything you say to them, good or bad. Take the time to do something with them, and if you have more than one, you may have to schedule fun time with each of them. It’s easy to get caught up in the business of getting it all done, but I promise, you will not send them off to college wishing you had washed more dishes.
3—Eat a meal together at least five nights a week. It’s amazing how much you can learn from your child over a meal. Children want to tell you about their day. They want to know someone is interested in them. Start this as early as possible, even if your child is still in a high chair. Pull it up to the table and make it a family event.
I have a 14 year old and I’ve been doing this since she was 2 years old. And as I had more children, we continued the tradition of asking each other two questions each night. We call it “Best Thing Worst Thing”. We each share the best thing and worst thing that happened to us during the day. The best thing is an opportunity for everyone to share some of their achievements of the day and gives the parents an opportunity to praise their child for making good decisions. The worst thing allows the child to share any struggles or issues and helps them to learn that Mom and Dad and home are safe places to talk about their issues or concerns. This also allows the child a chance to process what happened and what they might be able to have done differently to achieve an alternative and more positive outcome.
4—Know your child’s friends—this becomes more and more important as they get older. How do you do this? Let your house be the one that the kids want to come to. Have snacks available to them, food will almost always attract the kids, especially the teenagers. Give them a place to just hang out, watch television, get on My Space, or listen to music. Make it as supervised as possible, without being obvious. Our teenagers do not go to someone else’s home unless I know and have talked with the parents, to ensure that an adult will be home.
By letting my children’s friends come to our house, it gives me a chance to see how these young people conduct themselves and I can decide if I want their influence on my child. My children know our values and if they bring someone home that doesn’t share a closeness to our values, I discourage the friendship. Youth who come to our house and help themselves to my refrigerator or pantry without permission are not usually invited back. I also use this as a teaching opportunity for my children, appropriate behavior when you are a guest in someone’s home.
5—Turn off the television and keep it off. Did I hear a gasp yet? When I say turn off the television, I mean turn it off for five days out of the week. There are several reasons that I suggest this…By the time the kids get home from school, and complete their afternoon routines of homework, snack, and chores, it is usually getting close to dinner time. Between a day at school and their afternoon responsibilities, they need some fresh air, some exercise, and just some down time in general. How relaxing is it to sit and color, or talk on the phone with their friends, or even better, let them help prepare dinner with you, which is a perfect example of tip #2. After the evening meal, you are starting your before bed routine, and getting ready for the next day, then it’s bed time.
Another reason to turn off the television is the shows that are on today. It’s not Mayberry or Pollyanna that our kids are being exposed to. If you have watched any of the shows on Disney lately, you will see that the kids are in control, parents are either absent or absolutely clueless about what their children are doing. There is usually some form of deception involved, a lie is told and the kids spend 30 minutes trying to cover it up, instead of just being honest up front. Is this the message you want to send to your child?
Reality shows, such as “Sweet 16” portray teenagers celebrating this monumental milestone, thinking she deserves a $50,000 car in the color of her choice. And the parents oblige her! Do you plan to drop that much money on any of your children’s birthdays? It’s very difficult to have your children buy into your values, morals, and beliefs and also let them be exposed to beliefs that differ so greatly.
In our home, the television can be turned on to pre-approved shows on Friday nights and Saturdays only. By Sunday afternoon, we are in the mode of getting ready for the week, so we keep it off unless there is something in particular that would be a treat for all of us to enjoy together. My 9 year old is in a class with 23 other students and he is one of 2 children that doesn’t watch television on school nights.
Many times parents want to blame our schools, churches, and neighborhoods for the way our children are being raised. It’s time that we as parents fully accept our responsibility for the fate of our children.
I made the choice to have my children and I believe that it is 100% my responsibility to train them in the way they should go. You would not take a young plant, one that doesn’t yet have strong and firm roots and leave that plant in the dead of winter without protection. Children are not “little adults”, their minds are not developed and we have to protect them, make decisions for them, and all along the way teach them the way they should go, so that when the time is right, adulthood happily awaits them.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Adoption Home Study, Part II
Part I of this article was published on August 27, 2008. Hope you enjoy Part II:
Preparing for the home study visit(s): It can be absolutely overwhelming to think of a stranger coming into your home to “analyze” you and determine your worthiness of having a child. After all, people have babies all the time that are much less qualified to raise them. Early on, most families will become consumed with cleaning their home from top to bottom. While there is nothing wrong with having a super clean home, the social worker isn’t coming in with white gloves and looking under the beds for dust bunnies.
The home study is to assess you and your lifestyle in the areas of stability and financial solidity to ensure that a child placed in your home will be well cared for. You don’t have to be considerably wealthy in order to adopt a child, but you do have to show a pattern of being financially responsible with your income and your monthly debts. Families that have a large amount of debt may be encouraged to work towards reducing their debt in order to adopt. (This clinician has never denied a family due to debt, or known of families being denied due to large amounts of debt). It is not a freeze frame snapshot of your current situation of any area that is being reviewed; but rather a panoramic examination of many areas. Tax returns for the previous 3-5 years are provided to the home study provider, as well, to demonstrate a pattern of income.
It’s important to already have an idea of the age child you are interested in adopting. Babies or young children will have different needs than an older child. You may have to consider having additional locks on your exterior doors, especially if you have a pool or lake outside the back door. Steps may need a safety gate to prevent falls and to keep young toddlers out of dangerous areas. Outlets will need to be covered with protectors. It’s also good practice to have smoke detectors in each bedroom and in the main areas of y our home. A fire extinguisher is essential, kept in the kitchen or garage. Guns have to be locked away, and the ammunition kept in a separate location, also locked.
It is not necessary to have all of these things in place, especially if you are months away from being matched or placed with a child. It is necessary to have a good understanding of the development of the child you are interested in, in order to know what safety devices are crucial for you to have in place.
In 2006, The Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act was passed in order to establish a national registry of substantiated cases of child abuse and neglect. In all states, there is a process established to have this registry consulted in order to determine if you have been involved with that state’s Department of Children and Family Services. The registry will have case-specific identifying information that is limited to the name of the perpetrator and the nature of the substantiated case(s) of child abuse and neglect.
In addition, you will need to consider who you would name as guardian of your minor child in the event of your death. You will need to provide the guardian’s name, contact information, and an explanation of why you chose that individual or couple. It is recommended that you go ahead and name these people in your will, if you have one. I was recently asked by a birth mother if she would get the child back if something were to happen to the adoptive parents. The answer is no. The adoptive parents will make this decision.
Most states require criminal background clearances on three levels, local, state, and federal. Arrests may show up on one, two or all three of these clearances. This doesn’t mean that if you’ve ever been arrested, you can’t be considered as a parent. The cause of the arrest is considered, as well as the length of time since the arrest. There is a considerable difference in writing bad checks ten years ago and assaulting your significant other just last year. While some states offer specific guidelines about what offenses will prevent you from adopting, a lot of states leave that decision up to the individual social worker. It is best to mention any questionable arrests in advance and try to get a sense of how the social worker will respond.
Other sections of the home study will include accessing the stability of the marriage, discipline plan, and how to nurture and celebrate the child’s culture if different from yours. Some agencies and/or countries require adoptive parents to take continuing education courses. If adopting from the foster care system, you may have to take a 20 hours class in advance of adopting. There are obviously many variables, depending on the state you live in, the country in which you want to adopt, and whether you are adopting from a private agency or foster care system.
Though the home study may seem overwhelming, if you can do your homework and be prepared, the process will go smoothly. The social worker or home study provider should be viewed as an ally. His/her job is to help prepare you for parenthood, which is the ultimate goal.
Preparing for the home study visit(s): It can be absolutely overwhelming to think of a stranger coming into your home to “analyze” you and determine your worthiness of having a child. After all, people have babies all the time that are much less qualified to raise them. Early on, most families will become consumed with cleaning their home from top to bottom. While there is nothing wrong with having a super clean home, the social worker isn’t coming in with white gloves and looking under the beds for dust bunnies.
The home study is to assess you and your lifestyle in the areas of stability and financial solidity to ensure that a child placed in your home will be well cared for. You don’t have to be considerably wealthy in order to adopt a child, but you do have to show a pattern of being financially responsible with your income and your monthly debts. Families that have a large amount of debt may be encouraged to work towards reducing their debt in order to adopt. (This clinician has never denied a family due to debt, or known of families being denied due to large amounts of debt). It is not a freeze frame snapshot of your current situation of any area that is being reviewed; but rather a panoramic examination of many areas. Tax returns for the previous 3-5 years are provided to the home study provider, as well, to demonstrate a pattern of income.
It’s important to already have an idea of the age child you are interested in adopting. Babies or young children will have different needs than an older child. You may have to consider having additional locks on your exterior doors, especially if you have a pool or lake outside the back door. Steps may need a safety gate to prevent falls and to keep young toddlers out of dangerous areas. Outlets will need to be covered with protectors. It’s also good practice to have smoke detectors in each bedroom and in the main areas of y our home. A fire extinguisher is essential, kept in the kitchen or garage. Guns have to be locked away, and the ammunition kept in a separate location, also locked.
It is not necessary to have all of these things in place, especially if you are months away from being matched or placed with a child. It is necessary to have a good understanding of the development of the child you are interested in, in order to know what safety devices are crucial for you to have in place.
In 2006, The Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act was passed in order to establish a national registry of substantiated cases of child abuse and neglect. In all states, there is a process established to have this registry consulted in order to determine if you have been involved with that state’s Department of Children and Family Services. The registry will have case-specific identifying information that is limited to the name of the perpetrator and the nature of the substantiated case(s) of child abuse and neglect.
In addition, you will need to consider who you would name as guardian of your minor child in the event of your death. You will need to provide the guardian’s name, contact information, and an explanation of why you chose that individual or couple. It is recommended that you go ahead and name these people in your will, if you have one. I was recently asked by a birth mother if she would get the child back if something were to happen to the adoptive parents. The answer is no. The adoptive parents will make this decision.
Most states require criminal background clearances on three levels, local, state, and federal. Arrests may show up on one, two or all three of these clearances. This doesn’t mean that if you’ve ever been arrested, you can’t be considered as a parent. The cause of the arrest is considered, as well as the length of time since the arrest. There is a considerable difference in writing bad checks ten years ago and assaulting your significant other just last year. While some states offer specific guidelines about what offenses will prevent you from adopting, a lot of states leave that decision up to the individual social worker. It is best to mention any questionable arrests in advance and try to get a sense of how the social worker will respond.
Other sections of the home study will include accessing the stability of the marriage, discipline plan, and how to nurture and celebrate the child’s culture if different from yours. Some agencies and/or countries require adoptive parents to take continuing education courses. If adopting from the foster care system, you may have to take a 20 hours class in advance of adopting. There are obviously many variables, depending on the state you live in, the country in which you want to adopt, and whether you are adopting from a private agency or foster care system.
Though the home study may seem overwhelming, if you can do your homework and be prepared, the process will go smoothly. The social worker or home study provider should be viewed as an ally. His/her job is to help prepare you for parenthood, which is the ultimate goal.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Morning Routines
As school starts back all across the country, it is important to establish routines for your child, whether they are adopted or biological children! It's imperative to begin the year off in a positive way, being prepared for the school day. The morning routine actually starts the night before. Feel free to add your comments.
The night before, pack the book bag with all needed items for the next day, such as homework, supplies, permission slips, etc.
Check to make sure all homework is completed. Go over as needed. (Has anyone else noticed that homework is mounting and getting harder each year??)
Prepare lunch or give lunch money the night before.
Have your child pick out his/her clothes for the next day. As they are getting out their jammies, have them go ahead and pick out something special to wear to school.
Establish a regular bedtime--Children need more sleep than adults, and the lack of sleep will show in their behavior and school performance.
Have a regular wake up time each morning.
Establish a morning routine. Lots of parents get creative and develop charts, with stickers or smiley faces. Let your child check off each task, such as getting dressed, brushing teeth, having breakfast, etc.
These are just a few ideas to get you started. It's especially important for children who have been adopted to have routines and structure. Knowing what to expect will help your child adjust to his/her new environment.
The night before, pack the book bag with all needed items for the next day, such as homework, supplies, permission slips, etc.
Check to make sure all homework is completed. Go over as needed. (Has anyone else noticed that homework is mounting and getting harder each year??)
Prepare lunch or give lunch money the night before.
Have your child pick out his/her clothes for the next day. As they are getting out their jammies, have them go ahead and pick out something special to wear to school.
Establish a regular bedtime--Children need more sleep than adults, and the lack of sleep will show in their behavior and school performance.
Have a regular wake up time each morning.
Establish a morning routine. Lots of parents get creative and develop charts, with stickers or smiley faces. Let your child check off each task, such as getting dressed, brushing teeth, having breakfast, etc.
These are just a few ideas to get you started. It's especially important for children who have been adopted to have routines and structure. Knowing what to expect will help your child adjust to his/her new environment.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Why adopt an older child?
As an adult, think about your favorite holiday and how you celebrate your happiest occasions. I bet that family comes to mind. How often do we get together with extended family members for Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas morning exchange and birthday celebrations. Did you bring your significant other home to "meet the family"? Did you/Do you get daily or weekly phone calls from Mom and Dad checking in on you?
Imagine having no one to call you on your birthday, imagine having no family to make plans with for the holidays, and worst of all, imagine having no grandparents to take your first child to. Children who do not get adopted face all of these issues. Whether a child is in an International orphanage or an American foster home, if a child "ages out" and doesn't become a part of a forever family, he/she has no one to call family, no one to take their first real love home to meet, and no one to gather with for the holidays. Can you imagine your life without all of the weird and sometimes dysfunctional people that you call family?
An older child doesn't mean a child that is passed the infant stage and learning to talk. Older children are often times elementary school age and many times, already into teenage status. Take a look at your state's waiting children. Chances are high that you will find more than one child that is nearing high school graduation, still waiting and hoping that he/she will be chosen by a family.
Consider an older child for adopting! Check out the link on Adoptive Families: http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1358#1
Imagine having no one to call you on your birthday, imagine having no family to make plans with for the holidays, and worst of all, imagine having no grandparents to take your first child to. Children who do not get adopted face all of these issues. Whether a child is in an International orphanage or an American foster home, if a child "ages out" and doesn't become a part of a forever family, he/she has no one to call family, no one to take their first real love home to meet, and no one to gather with for the holidays. Can you imagine your life without all of the weird and sometimes dysfunctional people that you call family?
An older child doesn't mean a child that is passed the infant stage and learning to talk. Older children are often times elementary school age and many times, already into teenage status. Take a look at your state's waiting children. Chances are high that you will find more than one child that is nearing high school graduation, still waiting and hoping that he/she will be chosen by a family.
Consider an older child for adopting! Check out the link on Adoptive Families: http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1358#1
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Georgia Adoption Registry
Georgia's Adoption Reunion Registry was created as a result of a state law effective on July 1, 1990. The purpose of the Registry is to offer services to birth parents, adopted persons, adoptive parents and siblings who are affected by adoptions finalized in Georgia.
For more information or to register, contact:
Georgia Adoption Reunion Registry
Families First/ Office of Adoptions
2 Peachtree St N.W. Suite 8-407
Atlanta, GA 30303-3143
(404) 657-3555
1-888-328-0055
For more information or to register, contact:
Georgia Adoption Reunion Registry
Families First/ Office of Adoptions
2 Peachtree St N.W. Suite 8-407
Atlanta, GA 30303-3143
(404) 657-3555
1-888-328-0055
Monday, September 1, 2008
Positive Adoption Language
Many times, people are uninformed, insensitive, or even just rude when commenting on "real" families. Words do hurt and it's important to know and educate others about the appropriate words and phrases to use (and not to use) when discussing adoption.
Avoid using: "real" or "natural" when referring to mother, father, or sibling, because: this implies that the adoptive relationships are artificial, tentative, or not real. Use Instead: "Birth" or "biological mother, father, or sibling"
Avoid using: "own child", because this suggests that the adoptive relationships are less important than biological relationships. Use instead: "birth child", "child by birth"
Avoid using: "taken away", "given up", because this implies that children are stolen or forgotten, rather than adopted legally and with forethought. Use instead: "Termination of parental rights".
Avoid using: "Surrendered", "relinquished", "gave away", "put up", because this is a poor description of a birth parent's decision making process and choice. Instead use "chose adoption", "created an adoption plan"
Avoid using: "to keep", as this indicates that children are possessions. Use instead: "To parent"
Avoid using: "adoptive child", or "adoptive parent", as no qualifiers are needed. Use instead: son, daughter, mom, dad, grandparent
Avoid using: "foreign adoption", has despite all advances, this still has a negative connotation. Use instead: "International adoption".
Avoid using: "is adopted" because it is a one-time event. Use instead: "Was adopted"
Adapted from information obtained by NACAC
Avoid using: "real" or "natural" when referring to mother, father, or sibling, because: this implies that the adoptive relationships are artificial, tentative, or not real. Use Instead: "Birth" or "biological mother, father, or sibling"
Avoid using: "own child", because this suggests that the adoptive relationships are less important than biological relationships. Use instead: "birth child", "child by birth"
Avoid using: "taken away", "given up", because this implies that children are stolen or forgotten, rather than adopted legally and with forethought. Use instead: "Termination of parental rights".
Avoid using: "Surrendered", "relinquished", "gave away", "put up", because this is a poor description of a birth parent's decision making process and choice. Instead use "chose adoption", "created an adoption plan"
Avoid using: "to keep", as this indicates that children are possessions. Use instead: "To parent"
Avoid using: "adoptive child", or "adoptive parent", as no qualifiers are needed. Use instead: son, daughter, mom, dad, grandparent
Avoid using: "foreign adoption", has despite all advances, this still has a negative connotation. Use instead: "International adoption".
Avoid using: "is adopted" because it is a one-time event. Use instead: "Was adopted"
Adapted from information obtained by NACAC
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