Detecting Red Flags
Listed are areas of concern. They may or may not pertain to every situation, however they are red flags to consider. If you have any questions, please contact us.
Adoption Professionals, Facilitators, Adoption Advertising Companies:
•Requests a large upfront fee and the rest are due upon the completion of an adoption.
•Has a flashy website with lots of information and does not have information about their staff, physical address or mission statement.
•Guarantees a placement in X amount of time.
•Sent you information several weeks ago and you did not receive it, the professional is surprised.
•Has not returned your phone calls as they have had a personal crisis.
•Promises you he/she will find you a baby.
•Sends out regular emails of available situations that need to be matched immediately.
•States they have no negative reports or references.
•Has been in business for a year and has successfully placed 100% of the time.
•Does not seek out their own potential expectant parents but uses others services
and stacks fees.
•Seems to avoid face-to-face contact.
•Screams and yells at you and states you are the reason potential birth parent(s) has walked away from the match.
•Does not get proof of pregnancy nor verifies it, and does not get release of medical information prior to a match.
•Sets you up with a high-risk adoption.
•Tell you repeatedly to not worry about birth dad and his rights.
•Relocates the expectant moms they work with.
•Has expectant mom lie about birth dads where abouts.
Expectant Parent(s)
•Asks for money to be sent to them due to a crisis.
•Request a plane ticket or bus ticket so she can travel to your home and await delivery.
•Refuses counseling or to talk to your adoption professional.
•Refuses to consult with your attorney or agency.
•Refuses to name birth dad.
•Refuses to tell family or friends.
•Refuses to sign a medical release over to you or your adoption professional.
•Does not ask you questions about you, your home, or your family.
•States, “you are the family” with in the first contact.
•Seems to be dealing with one crisis after another. Much drama in her life.
•Is being kicked out of home, homeless shelter and needs money wired immediately.
•Keeps changing due date.
•Sends you ultrasound without a name on it or other verifying information.
•Insist on being the one who does the contacting.
•Refuses to give you or your adoption professional her/his contact information.
•Will only have contact with you over the net.
•Constantly needs money.
•Knows too much about adoption and how it works.
•Refuses or has a lot of excuses as to why she/he cannot utilize resources within their community.
•Does not tell her doctor about the adoption plan.
Prospective Adoptive Parent(s)
•They make demands instead of requests.
• Have no homestudy.Ask the adoptive couple who their homestudy was completed by. You call or have your attorney call to validate this information before you proceed to far into an adoption plan.
•Story changes in regards to what type of adoption they are looking for and how much contact they want after the baby is born
•Extremely desperate and says or does anything they can in order to get the expectant mom to match with them.
•Pressures you, belittles you, is disrespectful, or they have no concept of boundaries.
•Does not support counseling for the expectant mom. (some states require mandatory counseling).
•Tries to circumvent the laws or disregards expectant mom and dad's rights.
•Wants to put one of their names on the orginal birth certificate.•Sends references to you but does not allow you to contact them.
•If you are being promised an open adoption but you are not allowed to have their physical address or home phone number.
Trust your instincts and allow yourself to listen to others experiences. Think with your head and not your heart. Remember, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is, and most of all empower yourself with education!
Provided by Adoption Scams/The Cruelest Con
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Monday, February 15, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Reduce Adoption Risks
Educate yourself on facilitators that "piggyback" (facilitators that network and don't necessarily screen or have their own expectant mothers). They are the ones that you will see advertising or "dangling" leads on the Internet. Beware of anyone "dangling" leads in front of you or an adoption professional referring to the baby as "your baby". Sometimes attorneys and agencies will do this as well. Although these situations will tug at your heartstrings it is best to find another avenue. If you get a promise of a quick adoption, beware there is no quick trip to the "Baby Store".
Make sure that the adoption professional you are working with does thorough expectant mother screenings. All expectant mothers should be offered and receive appropriate counseling. Don't be afraid to ask questions and request proof of pregnancy. A few "red flags" to watch for would be professionals who avoid answering any of your questions, someone that refuses to contact your attorney, or someone that doesn't return your phone calls promptly. Beware if there seems to always be a reason for not sending you specific information or they are surprised that you have not received the information.
If adoptive parents are presented with an expectant mother and an adoption professional is requiring money up front, pushing for an answer in a short time period, or threatening that you will lose the match, slow down and think with your head and not your heart. Why would the adoption professional be so pushy when there are many prospective adoptive parents seeking to adopt?
Adoptive parents and expectant moms should contact their local or state RESOLVE Chapters for referrals on adoption professionals. Once prospective adoptive parents and even expectant mothers have narrowed the field down to a few adoption professionals they need to investigate thoroughly, even upon doing this there may be no guarantees.
Check for complaints with the State Attorneys General's office, the state licensing agency, local police departments, Internet sites and the Better Business Bureau (I don't put a lot of stock into the BBB. Beware if the BBB has an automated system all the scam artist has to do is to change their phone number to get the system to eliminate negative reports) Ask lots of questions!
Do a background check on the business and avoid businesses that have flashy marketing materials or advertise in the yellow pages. Even a well-created Internet site can be misleading. A reputable adoption professional does NOT need to seek out clients.
Check out your state laws regarding adoption and the laws of the state you are adopting from. The laws in each state vary and it is often difficult to find your way through the maze. Some states do not allow facilitation services. Some states do not allow private adoptions. And some states put the baby into foster care for a time.
Educate yourself. Read books, watch videos, attend seminars and support groups. Join various Internet egroups or check message boards on the Internet for any positive or negative reports. Network with other adoptive parents, expectant parents or birth parents. Keep reading! Educate yourself in the laws.....educate...educate..educate!
Expectant moms have the right to change their minds and not proceed with an adoption plan. Ethical adoptive parents only want what is best for the expectant mom as well as the child. Open adoptions, counseling by an independant party can thoroughly explore an adoption plan. No expectant mom should be coerced, bribed or or made promises of monetary means.
Validate all information. Documents and pictures all can be forged!
Obtained from Adoption Scam/Cruelest Con
Make sure that the adoption professional you are working with does thorough expectant mother screenings. All expectant mothers should be offered and receive appropriate counseling. Don't be afraid to ask questions and request proof of pregnancy. A few "red flags" to watch for would be professionals who avoid answering any of your questions, someone that refuses to contact your attorney, or someone that doesn't return your phone calls promptly. Beware if there seems to always be a reason for not sending you specific information or they are surprised that you have not received the information.
If adoptive parents are presented with an expectant mother and an adoption professional is requiring money up front, pushing for an answer in a short time period, or threatening that you will lose the match, slow down and think with your head and not your heart. Why would the adoption professional be so pushy when there are many prospective adoptive parents seeking to adopt?
Adoptive parents and expectant moms should contact their local or state RESOLVE Chapters for referrals on adoption professionals. Once prospective adoptive parents and even expectant mothers have narrowed the field down to a few adoption professionals they need to investigate thoroughly, even upon doing this there may be no guarantees.
Check for complaints with the State Attorneys General's office, the state licensing agency, local police departments, Internet sites and the Better Business Bureau (I don't put a lot of stock into the BBB. Beware if the BBB has an automated system all the scam artist has to do is to change their phone number to get the system to eliminate negative reports) Ask lots of questions!
Do a background check on the business and avoid businesses that have flashy marketing materials or advertise in the yellow pages. Even a well-created Internet site can be misleading. A reputable adoption professional does NOT need to seek out clients.
Check out your state laws regarding adoption and the laws of the state you are adopting from. The laws in each state vary and it is often difficult to find your way through the maze. Some states do not allow facilitation services. Some states do not allow private adoptions. And some states put the baby into foster care for a time.
Educate yourself. Read books, watch videos, attend seminars and support groups. Join various Internet egroups or check message boards on the Internet for any positive or negative reports. Network with other adoptive parents, expectant parents or birth parents. Keep reading! Educate yourself in the laws.....educate...educate..educate!
Expectant moms have the right to change their minds and not proceed with an adoption plan. Ethical adoptive parents only want what is best for the expectant mom as well as the child. Open adoptions, counseling by an independant party can thoroughly explore an adoption plan. No expectant mom should be coerced, bribed or or made promises of monetary means.
Validate all information. Documents and pictures all can be forged!
Obtained from Adoption Scam/Cruelest Con
Saturday, April 11, 2009
I’m not married, Can I still adopt?
Martial status is not necessarily a barrier to adopting, although many agencies, attorneys, and/or international countries still consider a married couple as the ideal adopters. There are many wonderful people that want to become parents, and there are many children that would thrive in a home with a single parent, especially when compared to their current situation or alternative placement.
Many reasons exist for unmarried men and women to choose adoption. These include:
v They have never married and have no intention of getting married. I once asked a single female applicant if she planned to ever marry. She said, “well, the perfect man hasn’t knocked on my door yet and I’m not out looking out for him, either”.
v They might like to get married at some point, but are not currently in a relationship.
v They may be gay or lesbian and know that legal marriage isn’t an option.
v They want to be a parent more than they want to be married.
Many people like to make arguments against single parent adoption. Single adopters need to know what the arguments are and have an answer readily available.
Argument: A child needs to have two parents so that one can fill in for the other in case of illness or out of town trips for work.
Answer: Yes, raising children can require juggling of schedules at times. Single adopters will need to have a support system in place to assist when needed.
Argument: A child will be orphaned if the single parent dies.
Answer: Most social workers will address this in the home study process for anyone who is applying to adopt. All adoption applicants will need to consider guardianship and will name a guardian for their future child.
Argument: A child needs to be raised by both sexes.
Answer: Experts do agree that it is important for children to be exposed to both sexes, but it doesn’t have to be a parent. It can be a family friend, scout leader, or church member. What is most important is that the child is loved and cared for by many.
Argument: A single adopter will always be working and the child will be left home alone.
Answer: The social worker will assess the single adopter and ensure a strong network is in place, including appropriate child care arrangements. I once assessed a single female applicant serving in the Air Force. There was a small risk for her to be deployed overseas. We discussed the plan for her current child and detailed an alternative plan to include her future child.
Helpful Suggestions for the Single Adopter:
v Start your research early. Know your facts before you tell others about your plan to adopt. This will arm you with accurate information for those naysayers.
v Part of your research will include finding an agency, attorney, or international country that will allow and approve single adopters. Ask if they have or know of any support groups in the area. If not, see the next step.
v Join an adoption support group in your area. It is always helpful to surround yourself with people that can support you and your ideas. Members of your support group can also guide you to certain agencies and provide helpful information.
v Don’t assume that any or all roadblocks are due to your single status. Everyone experiences barriers at some point in the process. Don’t let a set-back discourage you.
Adoption is a process, sometimes lengthy and difficult for all applicants, regardless of the marital status. With proper planning, patience, and perseverance, you can succeed. Congratulations on the decision to expand your family.
Martial status is not necessarily a barrier to adopting, although many agencies, attorneys, and/or international countries still consider a married couple as the ideal adopters. There are many wonderful people that want to become parents, and there are many children that would thrive in a home with a single parent, especially when compared to their current situation or alternative placement.
Many reasons exist for unmarried men and women to choose adoption. These include:
v They have never married and have no intention of getting married. I once asked a single female applicant if she planned to ever marry. She said, “well, the perfect man hasn’t knocked on my door yet and I’m not out looking out for him, either”.
v They might like to get married at some point, but are not currently in a relationship.
v They may be gay or lesbian and know that legal marriage isn’t an option.
v They want to be a parent more than they want to be married.
Many people like to make arguments against single parent adoption. Single adopters need to know what the arguments are and have an answer readily available.
Argument: A child needs to have two parents so that one can fill in for the other in case of illness or out of town trips for work.
Answer: Yes, raising children can require juggling of schedules at times. Single adopters will need to have a support system in place to assist when needed.
Argument: A child will be orphaned if the single parent dies.
Answer: Most social workers will address this in the home study process for anyone who is applying to adopt. All adoption applicants will need to consider guardianship and will name a guardian for their future child.
Argument: A child needs to be raised by both sexes.
Answer: Experts do agree that it is important for children to be exposed to both sexes, but it doesn’t have to be a parent. It can be a family friend, scout leader, or church member. What is most important is that the child is loved and cared for by many.
Argument: A single adopter will always be working and the child will be left home alone.
Answer: The social worker will assess the single adopter and ensure a strong network is in place, including appropriate child care arrangements. I once assessed a single female applicant serving in the Air Force. There was a small risk for her to be deployed overseas. We discussed the plan for her current child and detailed an alternative plan to include her future child.
Helpful Suggestions for the Single Adopter:
v Start your research early. Know your facts before you tell others about your plan to adopt. This will arm you with accurate information for those naysayers.
v Part of your research will include finding an agency, attorney, or international country that will allow and approve single adopters. Ask if they have or know of any support groups in the area. If not, see the next step.
v Join an adoption support group in your area. It is always helpful to surround yourself with people that can support you and your ideas. Members of your support group can also guide you to certain agencies and provide helpful information.
v Don’t assume that any or all roadblocks are due to your single status. Everyone experiences barriers at some point in the process. Don’t let a set-back discourage you.
Adoption is a process, sometimes lengthy and difficult for all applicants, regardless of the marital status. With proper planning, patience, and perseverance, you can succeed. Congratulations on the decision to expand your family.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Balancing Work and Family
Whether you have children or are planning to in the future, there is a way to keep a healthy balance between work and family.
Like most women, the balance of your family and your career can be overwhelming. Here are 5 tips to guarantee success in every area of your life.
1—Start with routines: when you do the same thing over and over again, not only do you get really good at it, it becomes second nature. You can have several sets of routines for your entire day. It is helpful to write down everything you do, or need to do, to get to bed at a decent hour, to get out of the house in the morning without rushing, to get dinner on the table quickly and easily. I suggest writing out lists of what needs to be done at each section of your day. As we get older and more forgetful, it is helpful to have a reminder of what needs to be done. When you are rushing around, it is easy to forget something important.
2—Learn to say “NO”—we hear this all the time, but do we practice it? As women, we are people pleasers and we don’t like to upset others or feel like we have let someone down. Instead, we need to feel that way about ourselves. Think about how upset you would be if you add one more thing to “to do” list. Say no for your children as well—don’t let them be over involved in activities.
3—Be sure to schedule appointments to take care of yourself, whatever that might be. Whether it’s getting your annual physical, going to the dentist, or meeting your girlfriend for a day at the spa, you have to take care of yourself first in order to properly take care of the other people in your life. This may require creative networking on your part, if you have small children. Offer to swap babysitting services with another mom on your block.
4—Exercise has both physical and mental benefits. Even 15 minutes of exercise will cause the brain to release chemicals which will improve your mood and give you more energy throughout the day. The exercise doesn’t have to be strenuous; taking a walk in your neighborhood is a great idea. You may have to put the baby in the stroller or your older child on his/her bicycle. You won’t have to look very hard to find an excuse not to exercise.
5—Master Calendar to keep up with everyone’s schedule and appointments: How many times have you missed an event because you forgot or over committed you or your family? A master calendar will solve this problem. As soon as you get an invitation, announcement, or other event notice, put it on the calendar right away, and then throw it away! Record everything you need onto the calendar and throwing away the rest will help to eliminate clutter. Don’t stress over what type of calendar to use, just do what works best for you. What you use isn’t as important as just using it!
Balancing career and motherhood can be challenging. By implementing these strategies, you will be ahead of the game and enjoying everything that your life as to offer.
Like most women, the balance of your family and your career can be overwhelming. Here are 5 tips to guarantee success in every area of your life.
1—Start with routines: when you do the same thing over and over again, not only do you get really good at it, it becomes second nature. You can have several sets of routines for your entire day. It is helpful to write down everything you do, or need to do, to get to bed at a decent hour, to get out of the house in the morning without rushing, to get dinner on the table quickly and easily. I suggest writing out lists of what needs to be done at each section of your day. As we get older and more forgetful, it is helpful to have a reminder of what needs to be done. When you are rushing around, it is easy to forget something important.
2—Learn to say “NO”—we hear this all the time, but do we practice it? As women, we are people pleasers and we don’t like to upset others or feel like we have let someone down. Instead, we need to feel that way about ourselves. Think about how upset you would be if you add one more thing to “to do” list. Say no for your children as well—don’t let them be over involved in activities.
3—Be sure to schedule appointments to take care of yourself, whatever that might be. Whether it’s getting your annual physical, going to the dentist, or meeting your girlfriend for a day at the spa, you have to take care of yourself first in order to properly take care of the other people in your life. This may require creative networking on your part, if you have small children. Offer to swap babysitting services with another mom on your block.
4—Exercise has both physical and mental benefits. Even 15 minutes of exercise will cause the brain to release chemicals which will improve your mood and give you more energy throughout the day. The exercise doesn’t have to be strenuous; taking a walk in your neighborhood is a great idea. You may have to put the baby in the stroller or your older child on his/her bicycle. You won’t have to look very hard to find an excuse not to exercise.
5—Master Calendar to keep up with everyone’s schedule and appointments: How many times have you missed an event because you forgot or over committed you or your family? A master calendar will solve this problem. As soon as you get an invitation, announcement, or other event notice, put it on the calendar right away, and then throw it away! Record everything you need onto the calendar and throwing away the rest will help to eliminate clutter. Don’t stress over what type of calendar to use, just do what works best for you. What you use isn’t as important as just using it!
Balancing career and motherhood can be challenging. By implementing these strategies, you will be ahead of the game and enjoying everything that your life as to offer.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Where do you start?
Just recently I attended a professional conference in Orlando, and I met a fellow social worker who shared with me about some of her friends who are just starting to gather information regarding adoption. Because she is a social worker, of course her friends went to her for information. They are already so overwhelmed at all of the information available regarding adoption....international vs domestic, private vs state, infants vs older children. My new social worker friend shared with me how frustrated (already) her friends are in the process. My heart goes out to this family, as I know that there are countless other families in the same situation! The information is very overwhelming, it is time consuming to wade through all of the legalities.
My suggestion is to start talking with everyone you know and reading all that you can and here's the important part--make notes as you go along. Meet with private agencies, adoption attorneys, consultants, and anyone else that can assist you with knowledge.
There are some great conferences held throughout the year in most states, attend some of those. Another great tip is to start early! Home studies take time and getting matched with a birth family takes time, and it can all add up to alot of time gone by!! It always takes longer than you expect it to.
I highly recommend getting started as soon as possible. The sooner you start, the sooner you will reach your ultimate goal of expanding your family through adoption.
My suggestion is to start talking with everyone you know and reading all that you can and here's the important part--make notes as you go along. Meet with private agencies, adoption attorneys, consultants, and anyone else that can assist you with knowledge.
There are some great conferences held throughout the year in most states, attend some of those. Another great tip is to start early! Home studies take time and getting matched with a birth family takes time, and it can all add up to alot of time gone by!! It always takes longer than you expect it to.
I highly recommend getting started as soon as possible. The sooner you start, the sooner you will reach your ultimate goal of expanding your family through adoption.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Adoption Ceremony
Adoption Ceremonies....What is it and Why have one?
Rituals are an important part of any life cycle event. They validate our feelings and allow the rite of passage into a new part of our lives. Some of the occasions in which we have rituals are at birthdays, funerals, weddings, births, and for religious celebrations. Having an adoption ceremony is no different than having a ritual for any other occasion. The ceremony helps to validate our feelings and provide a sense of connectedness.
An adoption ceremony is a simple ceremony to bring together the parents and child to symbolize the joining of the new family. It is essentially a covenant and all parties stand in front of their witnesses and acknowledge the new bond between parent and child and the lifelong commitment the parents are making. Each parent takes vows to the child and the child accepts their commitments.
Adoption ceremonies are not the finalization of the adoption. (That happens in court.) The adoption ceremony is an agreement initiated by the adoptive parents and responded to by the child. The ceremony should take place early on in the placement, to symbolize family unity while the adoption is in the process of being finalized. It serves as an insurance policy to the child that Mom and Dad aren’t going to change their minds and return the child. This is especially important if you are adopting an older child.
Rituals are an important part of any life cycle event. They validate our feelings and allow the rite of passage into a new part of our lives. Some of the occasions in which we have rituals are at birthdays, funerals, weddings, births, and for religious celebrations. Having an adoption ceremony is no different than having a ritual for any other occasion. The ceremony helps to validate our feelings and provide a sense of connectedness.
An adoption ceremony is a simple ceremony to bring together the parents and child to symbolize the joining of the new family. It is essentially a covenant and all parties stand in front of their witnesses and acknowledge the new bond between parent and child and the lifelong commitment the parents are making. Each parent takes vows to the child and the child accepts their commitments.
Adoption ceremonies are not the finalization of the adoption. (That happens in court.) The adoption ceremony is an agreement initiated by the adoptive parents and responded to by the child. The ceremony should take place early on in the placement, to symbolize family unity while the adoption is in the process of being finalized. It serves as an insurance policy to the child that Mom and Dad aren’t going to change their minds and return the child. This is especially important if you are adopting an older child.
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