I’m not married, Can I still adopt?

Martial status is not necessarily a barrier to adopting, although many agencies, attorneys, and/or international countries still consider a married couple as the ideal adopters. There are many wonderful people that want to become parents, and there are many children that would thrive in a home with a single parent, especially when compared to their current situation or alternative placement.

Many reasons exist for unmarried men and women to choose adoption. These include:

v They have never married and have no intention of getting married. I once asked a single female applicant if she planned to ever marry. She said, “well, the perfect man hasn’t knocked on my door yet and I’m not out looking out for him, either”.

v They might like to get married at some point, but are not currently in a relationship.

v They may be gay or lesbian and know that legal marriage isn’t an option.

v They want to be a parent more than they want to be married.

Many people like to make arguments against single parent adoption. Single adopters need to know what the arguments are and have an answer readily available.

Argument: A child needs to have two parents so that one can fill in for the other in case of illness or out of town trips for work.
Answer: Yes, raising children can require juggling of schedules at times. Single adopters will need to have a support system in place to assist when needed.

Argument: A child will be orphaned if the single parent dies.
Answer: Most social workers will address this in the home study process for anyone who is applying to adopt. All adoption applicants will need to consider guardianship and will name a guardian for their future child.

Argument: A child needs to be raised by both sexes.
Answer: Experts do agree that it is important for children to be exposed to both sexes, but it doesn’t have to be a parent. It can be a family friend, scout leader, or church member. What is most important is that the child is loved and cared for by many.

Argument: A single adopter will always be working and the child will be left home alone.
Answer: The social worker will assess the single adopter and ensure a strong network is in place, including appropriate child care arrangements. I once assessed a single female applicant serving in the Air Force. There was a small risk for her to be deployed overseas. We discussed the plan for her current child and detailed an alternative plan to include her future child.

Helpful Suggestions for the Single Adopter:

v Start your research early. Know your facts before you tell others about your plan to adopt. This will arm you with accurate information for those naysayers.

v Part of your research will include finding an agency, attorney, or international country that will allow and approve single adopters. Ask if they have or know of any support groups in the area. If not, see the next step.

v Join an adoption support group in your area. It is always helpful to surround yourself with people that can support you and your ideas. Members of your support group can also guide you to certain agencies and provide helpful information.

v Don’t assume that any or all roadblocks are due to your single status. Everyone experiences barriers at some point in the process. Don’t let a set-back discourage you.

Adoption is a process, sometimes lengthy and difficult for all applicants, regardless of the marital status. With proper planning, patience, and perseverance, you can succeed. Congratulations on the decision to expand your family.